Raynier’s House of Thoughts: Our Father Who Art In Heaven

It’s how I see what’s walking behind me.

I love looking ahead. The light I seek in the darkness. A demon almost crept in my bed while asleep to take the goodness of my heart. I woke up and said a prayer. Hoping Our Father can save it. I was wrong, the same demon snuck behind and strangled me to death with a thin banner the night after. I awoke looking for oxygen and grasped it with the thick air circulating in my room.

The reflection of shadows mirror the black hole of others. The loudest footsteps move silent similar to monks maneuvering within monasteries. They are the nonviolent that embrace tragedies of the soul.

I must digest the crows feeding on the belly of my emotions. Bare the fruits of my labor and crave unsanctioned glory. If not, they will feast on me upon death with no need to confess. They are creatures of the night that prey on the weak so I need to stay strong. Long ago, I weaponized negativity and nuked those close to me. Catastrophic effects, they can’t walk close to me leaving them handicap. Arms length of loyalty, no surprise of distrust. Birthdays were lonely for me. Imprisoned to my own thoughts.

“Why can’t I be free?”

dark angel rising

 

There goes a shadow haunting me. Fright-Fest where everyday is Halloween. All of us wearing masks to disguise where we really stand and who we want to be. I have to face my fears and steer towards stability. Tread lightly and shed more skin to let go what’s inside or flee. Black eyeballs with white eyes, “Can’t you see?” There’s no gray area so I’m screaming into pillows saying, “WHAT THE FUCK IS STOPPING ME?”

From greatness at my fingertips. Indexing separate accounts to balance the sheet of my expenses. Statements that brought me no income and treasures full of lint is what I failed to mention. Cash flow deteriorating but I think I can sense it. I was the demon doing the strangling and praying for myself. Suicidal thoughts tilting an angels death for wealth. I feel destruction to my soul as ambitions unfold. I would murder my angel to excel my goals. Bodily functions disrupting, systems crashing as the mind becomes disgusted. Subconscious speaking, “This isn’t you.”

I bathed in the holy water of truth. Now I ask, “What shadow is deep inside of you?”

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