Raynier’s House of Thoughts: Shared Journeys

A scar of pain was inflicted on your face when we first met.

“Hi, nice to meet you.”

Time passes and then, “It’s nice to see you.”

I wasn’t shy back then. I had nothing to lose and everything to gain including women and a life of sin. I guess you wouldn’t understand. I was a fan of an idol that crushed my drive so I started steering in the wrong lane when you and I became friends or lovers. You let me strip you down over covers. I wanted no part of someone so easy. When I thought you were just teasing and then you started breathing heavily. I let you know us meant a lot to me.

broken-heart-fixed-love-wall

There was still a great woman there for me but she wasn’t strong enough so I let her be. Happy New Years and there I see you standing in your tan short dress thinking you’re coming home with me. Now, we’re under covers going to smother each other for whatever we were. Whether it be friends or lovers? Everything felt right but I got word about you. What you stood for? Supposedly you were skipping from man to man looking for offered drinks but I knew the weak woman was a hater. I curbed her and let her know we would never be together. I believed in you even though you would still receive phone calls and messages from an anonymous but I could care less because I trusted you.

 

I’ve always been a good man, but the trauma caused by my father led to many insecurities. I believed everyone was faithful to themselves and had no loyalty to anyone. I doubted you many times creating separation between you and I but I knew there’s always love. The caretaker that lent a shoulder for the two times I cried and had nothing show for it. I couldn’t repay with emotions, I only provided my intelligence and pushed you to become the best woman I can see in my future. I was selfish, I never thought to wonder that you were fine with being mediocre and setting limits to greatness. You didn’t want to be awakened or hurt for failing in a life you felt filled your soul with misery but I stayed and gave you company. How foolish was I?

If you loved me then why’d you let me go?

You let my heart sink while tied to a brick leaving me to drown in the silent base of an ocean left with a spoonful of love. You let me go before and came back but I suppose you found someone that was alright with you growing no more. He was satisfied with your limited progression and gave you false attention for orgasmic intentions. He forgot to mention you weren’t a number on his roster. Imprisoned to your own thoughts thinking you couldn’t reach excellence but this moment set the precedent for my future.

banksy

I was fortunate to be left by a depraved soul that could only inject more pain and lean towards those that don’t want to see the best in you anymore.

“I give up.” That’s the new motto for the weak that break down when they hear that loud sound in their hearts looking for a beat.

“Who are you?” That’s the only question that I seek. What I do in my life is irrelevant to who I want to be. I wish you could’ve noticed that but genies don’t exist so I can only pray for you and do what’s best for me by making you an unknown memory. A face with a blur like a tv channel with gray and white lines erasing the high definition picture of a channel I always watched. Shared Journeys.

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